Dear Daddys
“Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.”
I’ve read and heard people say, “When choosing a husband, make sure he’s someone you’d want to be the father of your kids.”
I’d add this: you need to have experienced what having a great dad feels like to even know what to look for. And even then, you can't really know what kind of father someone will be, until they become one.
I’m a daddy’s girl in every sense of the word. My mum says it’s only by God’s grace that I didn’t grow up spoilt. I’d say it’s also by God’s grace that I never felt entitled to that love or care. Maybe seeing my older siblings get disciplined shaped me. Or maybe watching my dad work so hard to provide for us removed any sense of pride I could have had. I honestly can’t tell you for sure.
But one thing was true: there was love at home.
And it wasn’t just my dad who showed me what it means for a man to show up.
My brothers crawled so I could walk.
Whether it was learning from their mistakes or watching them show up for me time and again, I always knew what it meant to be supported.
I remember once, as a teenager, feeling extremely weak, my oldest brother carried me on his back to the nearest clinic. I remember falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed, countless times. My immediate older brother was the first to talk to me about boys, he had open conversations with me, even when all I did was listen. He gave me an open cheque for my 19th birthday and even guided me on how best to invest my savings.
With the men I grew up with, it was never about having a lot, it was always about showing up. And boy, did they show up a lot.
So when it came to choosing a partner, I didn’t immediately think about what kind of father he’d be, that wasn’t top of mind.
But it was in the little things.
Like driving hours in traffic just to drop me off on a date, even though his own place was minutes away from the venue.
It was the way he researched the things I love so he could get them just right, without needing to ask.
It was in the way he spoke affirming words into me, always reminding me that I’m exactly where I need to be.
It was the way family gave him purpose.
Or how he’d make light of my poor decisions so I’d know it’s okay to mess up, as long as I learn.
I remember feeling scared to get married. But I trusted his actions more than my fears.
When parenthood came, the early days we spent together showed me how deeply he would show up.
And when I felt like I was drowning in the weight of motherhood, all I needed to do was speak, and just like that, I found my way back to shore.
Parenthood isn’t perfect. We don’t always get it right. Heck, it’s rarely easy.
But having someone who shows up when it matters? That makes all the difference.
I’m grateful for the men in my life,
For the one I’m raising,
And for the generations of men to come, those who will continue to show up when needed.
You are seen.
You are loved.
You are appreciated.
As we honour the men who’ve shown up for us - fathers, brothers, partners, mentors - here’s a gentle prompt to continue the gratitude.
Whether it’s a father figure, a friend who stepped in, or someone who supported you in silence, this week, let’s say thank you with intention.
