The Year Is Far Back
I thought and rethought a befitting first post for 2026, until I realised nothing could be better than an introduction to me and why you’re here.
I’m Eniola - the girl who’s always wanted to publish a book about her life.
Let’s go back to the beginning. For as far back as I remember, I’ve always lived in my head. Every scenario I couldn’t voice out for fear of being misunderstood or judged was played in my head. Every thought I couldn’t share with siblings - who I considered too old to talk to - or my parents - who were more busy with better things than my childish whims - I conversed in my head.
As a teen, I remember feeling misunderstood by my mum. My dad got a hard pass for taking me to Mr Biggs after Mass on Sundays and eating from the same plate for the longest time. He’s also only ever scolded me three times, so naturally, he got a pass. But my mum - my mum took all the blame for being the disciplinarian. I was mad at how easily she scolded me when I erred, and when I would refuse to eat, she’d say, “It’s good, you need to fast and pray to God” to overcome whatever I had been scolded for.
Opening up to my mum about anything, even inconsequential things, always felt like a missile waiting to be launched. So I kept to myself a lot. I saw our differences as unique, but painful to live through, so I vowed that when I got a little older and had my own laptop, I would write a book about The Mother–Daughter Relationship - to share my pains and help another girl like myself who might be going through the same peril.
Well… I got older. A little wiser. My priorities changed, and so did my writing focus. Once I got through the rigour of university and getting my first job, relationships and love became my pain point. It also became the frequent topic of conversation among my folks. They’d always encourage me to bring home any “friend” I had. Friend is the way Nigerian parents speak about the forbidden boyfriend word.
It’s funny how, while in school, the conversation was always about focusing on my studies, and suddenly, we were now talking about friend. The trajectory though… anyway, I digress.
Interestingly, their focus became my target. In the span of one year, I went from relationship to situationship - filled with drama, personal growth, and love lessons. So I decided to write another book titled 25, Female & Finding. I had the tools I needed for this quest this time around, so I wrote a nine-chapter, 12,000-word story about the experience of being a woman in Nigeria, living life according to the timelines set by society. I shared it with a number of friends and got positive comments. After a few edits and rereads, it didn’t feel quite finished to me, so I shelved it for a while.
Fast forward to 2020. On my way to being married, with some more love lessons under my belt, I reworked this story into a two-part “Before 30” and “After 30” series. I’ve only just realised that a television series and movie with the same titles and a similar plot as my book exist on Prime Video. You should check them out if you haven’t seen them.
Anyway, back to me.
For most of my life, I felt entirely flawed. Rather than express my thoughts, ask questions, or create the opportunity to be corrected, I barely spoke until I was sure I sounded intelligent. I’d rather write - sometimes a full-blown chapter in my head - than talk. I have two safe places: my head and my paper. It’s no surprise I became a perfect introvert and a researcher.
However, the more I wrote, the more I became scared to share. I criticised my writings to deletion. I questioned my thoughts to erasure. Fear hindered my path to growth, to be - until I found my way back to me.
Hence, this blog.
This blog - what you read and experience - is my journey to rediscovery. My path to be: be me, be true, be scared, be human, and be motivating. While I have pages and pages of pieces written but too scared to share, I figured I’d start with this blog site. What’s the worst that could happen?
Over time, I learnt that the only way to truly conceptualise love - which inspires a lot of my writing - is by being myself, irrespective of what that looks like. I realised that the things I am most scared of are usually the most worthwhile.
After all, as Emerson said in his essay Self-Reliance:
“There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.”
So here’s my commitment: to share pieces of my writing unapologetically every third Wednesday of the month (for now). I hope you join and continue with me on this journey to Be.
A moment to pause
Roll your shoulders in slow circles, easing any tightness.
Let your muscles relax with each rotation.
Sometimes, becoming begins with letting go - not adding more.
Until next time,
Still becoming. Still being.
