Avoidable Failure
Some failures can be avoided. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s true. Let’s dive into it.
“We live in a culture that glorifies speed, but true growth often happens in stillness.”
The 21st-century world is fast-paced. With the limitless possibilities of technology and now AI, it’s almost ridiculous not to be engaged in one activity or another, paid or not. These days, it feels like everyone is a content creator, which means we’re all busy. Slowing down to learn, reflect, and plan sounds archaic… or so I thought.
Motherhood, the second time around, has been demanding, as expected. It’s also the reason I’ve not been on track with monthly posts (I apologise). Yet, in true 21st-century fashion, I didn’t want to slow down. After all, my peers are having babies, creating content, and snapping back, so what was my excuse?
My final moving-to-a-new-city task was getting my driver’s license, an activity that could have been delayed. But in my self-pressuring manner, I didn’t see the need to. After three failed attempts at the tests - and a gentle reality check from my husband - I realised I didn’t need to keep punishing myself with avoidable failures.
My first failed attempt came when I was grossly sleep-deprived and stressed. This one broke me. It brought to the fore every ounce of stress I had stored up: maintaining exclusive breastfeeding, planning my toddler’s birthday, preparing for winter, keeping the house clean, and the fridge stocked. I was burnt out. I cried until I felt relief, and then went back to finishing the to-do list for my son’s birthday.
My second and third attempts? They were fuelled by a need to prove that I could tick this task off my list before my six-week postpartum check. Go, superwoman!
It reminded me of the summer of 2023 when I was determined to complete my thesis and sit for my viva voce before traveling to Canada to have my baby. I was far from finishing - and even farther from finishing well - yet I pushed to prove that I could. A self-inflicted and unnecessary pressure.
Thankfully, my associate supervisor saved me from myself. In the kindest way possible, he told me I wasn’t ready for a submission that would earn minimal corrections. Then he asked, “What’s the rush? If you finish in record time, what next?”
He called out my perfectionist nonsense (politely, of course), and I wept, in both realisation and relief. It turned out to be the best decision I ever made. I was proud of the work I eventually submitted, and my viva voce became the easiest part of my PhD journey. Thanks to my supervisor, a heart-wrenching failure was avoided.
Fast forward to today - three failed attempts later - and I’ve been humbled once again. I needed more time to prepare, to practice, and to plan. Because really, if I had passed at my first attempt, then what? I hate that I put myself through unnecessary pain, stress, and heartbreak, all to prove something that wasn’t worth proving. I hate that I succumbed to the whims of society.
Experience may be the best teacher, but not all failures are required experiences. Some are - and should be - avoidable.
Taking time to plan, reflect, reassess, and be honest with yourself is essential for true success. So, while I’m learning and practicing before trying again, I hope you’re encouraged to pause and be.
Taking time out isn’t outdated, it’s essential. Whether that means taking time off work to reassess your path, a gap year from school, a break from social media, or a weekend away for a self-reflective retreat, remember this:
Pausing is good. Pausing is required. Pausing can save you from failure.
Pausing isn’t always natural, sometimes it has to be practiced. Here’s a simple weekly challenge to ease you into it.
Have you ever found yourself going through an avoidable failure, or are you of the school of thought that every failure is a teaching experience?
Share your thoughts in the comments, I’d love to hear your perspective.
